Motherhood and Marriage

 

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So I have officially been a mom for three months, and it has been a roller coaster of emotions. I never knew I was able to love someone so intensely. I’ve laughed and cried more than ever before, and I have never been happier. I don’t want to say myย  life was incomplete before, but it feels so whole now.

Do I love being a mom? Absolutely. I don’t have the words to describe how it makes me feel, it’s something I have always wanted and it hasn’t disappointed.

Momm’in ain’t easy, its been hard work. I’ve had to learn how to be a mom. I’ve had to learn how to accept the new me. I’ve had to learn how to adjust to life as a working mom. I’ve had to learn how to remember I am a wife too. I think the last was the hardest. The mom things just sort of comes to you. But remember I am a wife? That wasn’t easy, like it used to be. Before, it was who I was, and Nick was the most important thing in my life, it was easy to prioritize our marriage and set time aside for each other. But now, I have this little human who depends on me, and I whom I love immensely. Every moment he’s awake he gets my undivided attention. Especially now that I am back to work and don’t see him during the day. I find that I really need to make a conscious effort to not put my marriage on the back burner.

I’ve noticed a change in our dynamic as husband and wife, and it’s eating at me. We have been together for 9 years, and have never had problems. We’ve had our little arguments here and there, but never anything where I have questioned our marriage or felt like our relationship was being tested. Our relationship is nothing we’ve ever had to work at, it just came naturally. I feel like my life has changed, I’ve changed my ways, my lifestyle, but he hasn’t. Which I know is normal at first, a lot of new dads just don’t have that aha moment right away like moms. It frustrates me that he golfs almost every weekend rather than spending time with his family and doing family things. I know its something we need to talk about and I plan on it, its just hard to find the time with Keegan around. By the time he goes to sleep we’re both just done for the day.

The hardest part is I feel like Nick is oblivious to how I’m feeling and thinks everything is normal, so bringing up the subject won’t be easy and he’ll probably feel like its coming out of left field. So I’ll keep you guys posted on how that goes, hopefully we can talk this weekend while we have some time together. Fingers crossed we get somewhere.